Blogs Of Freedom

Well since anyone can have a discussion about anything, I want to talk about my life.

Now you might find this hard to believe, but I have never had any friends. I have always been alone. I've never had anyone to confide in. In fact, I'm ranting on your site because I have no one else to rant to.

Anyway, I have never had any friends or girlfriends. Hell, I've never even been on a date. However, for some reason, my pathetic life has never bothered me until now.

Now I look around me and everyone my age seems to be having the time of their lives. I have nothing. No special memories, no special friends, and certainly no special relationships.

It's becoming hard to live. I have just been so upset with myself.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that contemplating my life has taken away my self-confidence. I hate that I won't do anything to change it because I'm too afraid. I hate myself. I look at my reflection in the mirror and I feel like spitting.

I just wish I had someone to talk to, someone to love.
I wish I could look at myself in the mirror and be proud of who I am.

I spent so many lonely nights actually training myself to accept failure and depression. I've actually started to consider suicide. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to live a normal and happy life. It seems that the most obvious solution is to get out more and talk to people. But its not that easy. I'm too afraid of how people will judge me so I just avoid any social situation. I know its an illogical fear, but I can't help it.

I'm so sick of being alone.

I just want something in life. I need social interaction, I need friendship, I need love, I need direction, I need hope, I need self-confidence. For once in my life, I just want to be happy.

So there it is. If you are wondering why I chose to rant about my life on this site, it is because I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm not trying to be dramatic, I just want help.

So, you got any advice for me?

{P.S.}
By the way Gabby, if you haven't figured it out yet, you know me as 'Snake137' from xboxlive.